Too Cute Cupid
by Kaji-chan
Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome are dead. Naraku is dead. The Shikon no Tama is destroyed. Unfortunately, Inuyasha is set for a one-way ticket to Hell, unless he and Kagome can find a way out of his conviction; by playing cupid. MirokuSango and InuyashaKagome


Believe it or not... this one is going to be a mirosan. I decided to jack the "cupid" idea for my story... *cackles* I was bored and out of dynamite (for my writer's block), so I got to typing. This is the result. ^_~ Actually, this is al  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, okay?! *throws hands in the air* How could I possibly own it of I'm sitting in my room, butt sore on my computer chair writing fanfiction, you absurd, incompetent, sorry excuses for readers for possibly thinking I could have a chance at owning such an exquisitvely written series with a cute little doggie adorned with fuzzy doggie ears?! Huh? Huh?! I could be making it! *is kicked off of soapbox*  
  
~***~ ~***~***~ [i]Too-Cute Cupid[/i] Chapter 1--Mission: One Tinsy Problem... By: Kaji-chan ~***~***~ ~***~  
  
"What do you mean, I can't fucking get into Heaven?!"  
  
Kagome winced at Inuyasha's shouting, hearing the slamming of his hand down onto the desk end with a resounding bang, causing the female seated at the small reception table in front of her to jump in surprise. The woman, her shoulders still tense in surprise, turned to stare accusingly at Kagome but tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and getting back to shuffling papers. Kagome smiled apologetically and turned around in her seat, one hand braced on the back of the chair as she twisted to look into the office.  
  
She lifted the shades covering the window of the "Arch Angel's" bureau, curiously peering into the room to watch Inuyasha's conversation with the single judge, able to hear through the extremely thin walls of her office. Her eyebrows drew together in a grimace; his expression was livid.  
  
The "angel" sitting across from him sighed, but her expression remained calm and neutral. It seemed she was very used to this type of behavior. Inuyasha wasn't helping anything, either. She only leveled him with a flat stare from across her desk, hands folded neatly in front of her.  
  
The woman sitting before him sighed once more and leaned forward, bracing her hands onto the paper-cluttered desk and gave him a blank look. "I'm sorry, Mr. ..." she said, trailing off to look down at the files resting under her hands and read the title kanji before looking back up at his furious face, "...Inuyasha... but this is strictly against regulations. Your soul is too impure to—"  
  
"Dammit, woman," Kagome glared daggers at his disrespectful back, "You better let me in or I'll—"  
  
"You'll what, Inuyasha? I'm afraid you'll find that your youkai powers have no effect in this realm whatsoever." Inuyasha growled and clenched his fists, remaining silent. "Now..." she said calmly, gesturing towards an open chair, "would you stop creating a scene and please sit down?"  
  
The hanyou grumbled in irritation, but succumbed to her wish, crossing his arms and frowning at the angel sitting in front of him as he sunk into the chair before her. Smiling ever so slightly, she reopened the manila folder lying on top of her desk, reaching to the corner of her desk to pluck of a pair of reading glasses. She unfolded them and laid them neatly atop her nose, then turning her attention to the folder and scanning over the various lines of Kanji and katakana.  
  
Kagome watched her intently, cringing when the angel tutted every so often. Every now and then, she would question him, receive a rude reply from the hanyou, and then get back to reading. "How long did you know Kagome before you died, Inuyasha?" she asked serenely, briefly looking up from the papers to peer at his expression over the top of her silver rimmed glasses.  
  
His disgruntled expression faltered for a moment as he was reminded of his companion, before he answered coolly, "Three years." Kagome found a warm smile grace her lips, ducking her head a bit in a blush at his casual tone.  
  
The woman nodded, flipping through the papers once again, resuming her plunder. "I see. Moreover, it says here you died in a battle with a youkai... Naraku was it?" The hanyou gave a short nod. "Right. He was causing a bit of trouble down there for a while, I believe..."  
  
Kagome frowned at her nonchalant observation, at how she brushed off the demon's power and destruction as if it were nothing. Naraku was no ordinary youkai, and had killed many before them... It took a great amount of courage for them to stand up to him at the end, Shikon no Tama and all.  
  
She heard Inuyasha's derisive snort. "Keh. You don't know what you're talking about, woman."  
  
The angel glanced at him. "Ah, is that so? You shall find, Inuyasha, the world revolves not around you." Inuyasha frowned as she turned back to her work.  
  
Kagome felt a sudden urge to snort as well. Stupid heavenly-people. Thinking they were all high and mighty. Like they knew anything, anyway... She gasped. She had thought before she could stop it, followed by a sigh and a humored chuckle. Gods... she was becoming more like Inuyasha by the hour.  
  
Inuyasha glared at her. "How can you just brush off Naraku as 'some youkai'? Surely you would be the one to understand what a fucking problem he was."  
  
"You seem so sure of yourself, Inuyasha." The angel said, once more peering over the polished frame of her glasses to smile calmly at him. "Us Angels aren't as unintelligent and dim as you may believe." Her eyes glistened in her own omniscient revelation. "I think that your perception of our ignorance has led to your own. Of course we are aware of Naraku and his evil, as we are also aware that he is no longer committing evil... as he is dead... burning somewhere below us..."  
  
Kagome blinked. Well, at least now she didn't have to ask...  
  
"My point is that Naraku was a temporary disturbance, and is now taken care of. We are all aware of how many died under his power, and how many are still suffering. However, the focus now is you, your past, and what we will be doing with you." She raised a patronizing finger. "If you bother me again, then I will be forced to bring up the whole Kikyou incident, you causing all that trouble down in Hell with her resurrection and all... a whole lot of annoying paperwork if you ask me."  
  
Kagome noticed Inuyasha stiffen at her sudden accusation. Snorting indifferently, he turned his head to the side, away from the angel's piercing gaze, crossing his arms indifferently. She smiled and returned to her reading, humming quietly to herself as she scanned the pages of his life. Bored by the lengthening silence, Inuyasha slowly began to drum his fingers on the armrest, glaring at the white wall opposite of him.  
  
"Patience is a virtue, Inuyasha."  
  
He snorted at her calm voice, tapping louder in defiance. She didn't seem to notice, only irritating the hanyou more. He stopped for a few minutes, turning his glare to her. The angel ignored him.  
  
Finally, he sat up, placing his hands firmly on his knees and he bent forward to glare her fully in the eyes, a mocking smile on his face. "Shouldn't God be handling this kind of crap?"  
  
The angel flinched slightly, looking up from the files to glare back at him. "He's a bit busy with the apocalypse at the moment."  
  
"Oh, well isn't that nice..." Inuyasha mumbled in reply, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair again. "Don't you have more qualified angels around?"  
  
The archangel's finely sculpted eyebrow twitched. "No," she replied bluntly.  
  
"How about Gabriel?"  
  
She leveled him with a flat stare. "I'm afraid Gabriel is away on an influential dream mission and is not qualified in the judgment department. I am best qualified for this job, Inuyasha, underneath Kami, believe it or not, as I was created by him for this specific purpose."  
  
"What about Jesus?"  
  
"He's just the same person as—what religion are you, anyway?"  
  
Inuyasha shrugged. "Dunno. The series never got into that."  
  
The angel sighed, obviously irritated by his snide remark as she flipped through the pages of the file with more snap than she had perviously enstated.  
  
Kagome glared at Inuyasha through the window with a piercing gaze-- though she knew he couldn't see her--and waited. She couldn't help a self- applauded smile when he flinched involinatrily, shifting his weight in his seat and rolling his shoulder. She always did have a nack for making him unconciously uncomfortable. Kagome's eyebrow twitched as he made a snide, offhanded comment to the angel, who was seemingly on her last straw, unbeknowest to Inuyasha, the King of the oblivious...  
  
Idiot. Mou, the last thing he should be doing is pissing off the judging angel...  
  
After a few more prolonged elapses of time and more drumming of fingers on armrests, the angel finally reached up and pulled her glasses off, allowing them to dangle around her neck by their silver chain. Kagome sat up, her ears in tuned for the angel's well awaited proclamation, swallowing thickly. "Well, Inuyasha, I've looked over your files again, but I'm afraid I can't find anything in here that will excuse you from all the murders you committed in your earlier years..."  
  
"Listen, woman—" he began, only to be cut off again.  
  
"There is no excuse." she interrupted, her gaze hardening as she folded her hands on the desktop. Kagome's hands tightened on her own armrests as the angel's words reached her ears. "We understand the complications of living in that era, but I'm afraid we can't allow you entrance—"  
  
"But you don't understand!" he interjected, a desperate look passing over his features as he placed both hands on her desk and leaned forward urgently. "If I don't make it in..."  
  
"...Then your soul will be reincarnated, yes." she said amiably. "I don't see what the problem is. You will eventually get into Heaven, it will probably just take a few more centuries..." she trailed off to glance down at the papers once more and corrected her previous error. "...or should I say millennia, with your record, really... of cleansing in the mortal world. It's just a matter of time."  
  
Inuyasha hesitated and turned away, grunting at her lack of concern. "You just don't understand, do you...?" He whirled back around, his anger returning full force as he clenched his fists in rage, shaking with resentment. "If I'm reincarnated, I won't return to Heaven as the same person I died as!"  
  
She blinked up at him in temporary confusion, before realization swept across her facial features, a small smile reaching her lightly glossed lips. "Ah... I see..." she said, a pitying expression lingering in her eyes. "You are afraid of returning to her... not the same man, ne?"  
  
His grave expression didn't waver, and he nodded, his fists slowly relaxing as his anger leisurely diminished. "Yes..."  
  
The woman reached a lightly glowing hand to her temple and she leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes in silent contemplation. A still, stiff silence swept over the room once more as she reclined in her chair, eyes closed in thought. "Very well," she said, looking up at the hanyou once more, "I suppose that it would be inappropriate to have this conversation without her."  
  
Kagome noticed the angel's gaze flicker to her, and she gasped, ducking behind the shades. Did she hear her? It was silent for a moment. She peered over the windowsill towards the angel, noticing a small smile on her face. She cringed. Crap... she saw her... The angel smiled again, but this time apologetically, and reached down to push a small button on the corner of her desk. Kagome blinked.  
  
The angel then proceeded to speak to Inuyasha once more... except Kagome couldn't hear it. She paused, blinking in puzzlement. What did the angel, whom she realized had not revealed her name, have to say to Inuyasha in private?  
  
She seemed to sit there forever, just watching them converse in a subdued silence. Inuyasha had turned his back to her, and she was unable to watch his expression to get any clue as to what they were saying to each other. Kagome sighed quietly, turning her eyes from the view in the small office window, her eyes sliding sideways as if in search of something slightly interesting to occupy her time in waiting, her gaze settling on a shining gold-plated plaque adorned on the door to the office. She peered at it in curiousity, squinting to read it. It read "Himiko: Arch Judge" Kagome raised an eyebrow. Well, now she knew what her name was...  
  
She looked back towards the pair through the glass, to find Himiko staring back at her, a small and completely unreadable smile adorning her lips. The arch angel raised a delicate hand, motioning to Kagome to come inside with a quick flick of her long, perfect fingers. Kagome held back a small gasp and nodded shyly, somehow finding the courage to stand and make her way to the door.  
  
She really shouldn't have been so worried; it was just a conversation with the Arch Judge. The shaky feeling in her knees that created an almost jello-like sensation when walking towards the door of course had nothing to do with the fact that this small conversation with Himiko would decide whether Inuyasha would be sitting with her on a light, fluffy cloud with angel wings and a harp... or whether they would be saying their final goodbyes as he descended the (quite Naraku-esque) stairs down to an awaiting eternity of kindling flames with his body. Nothing to be nervous about. She gulped and reached for the handle.  
  
The door behind Inuyasha opened with an inaudible creak, and Kagome slowly made her way inside, bowing brusquely to the angel residing before her. "Himiko-sama," she whispered politely--a little flattery never hurt--before turning to the man standing beside her, giving him a questioning look as he returned it with a the usual; closed, gruff, and unreadable for anyone without a translation book on [Inuyasha's Mysterious Expressions: Part Umpteen[/u]. Not particiuarly phazed by Inuyasha's "keh" expression, she turned her inquisitive gaze to Himiko, watching her in puzzlement.  
  
The angel sighed, sitting down in her chair to speak calmly to the pair, her glasses remaining idle as they dangled around her neck. "I'm afraid, dear, that Inuyasha's record beseeches him. There is just too much blood and toil tainting his soul." Himiko said quietly, but firmly, her angelic voice conveying pity towards the young woman bowing her head before her.  
  
Kagome told herself to hold back the tears. She knew it was coming, after all... she knew the minuted Inuyasha stepped inside her office that his chances of coming out clean were slim to none. Kagome bit her lip. Building up a sense of false hope always seemed to kill her in the end, didn't it? She looked back up at Himiko, fully prepared with a rebuttal-- anything to sway her decision. She would beg if she had to.  
  
After all that she had gone through with him? After all of the tears and heartbreak she had stood against when he ran to Kikyou; standing tall and smiling... After [i]dying[/i] together.  
  
"But we—" she began, ready to spout anything that would aide their precarious situation... anything to redeem Inuyasha...  
  
"I'm sorry, Kagome."  
  
Kagome paused, her argument dying in her throat. How could she argue with her? She was right... Kagome swallowed thickly, her hands curling to determined fists by her side. "He's changed!" she said, her tone a but more forceful than she had intended. "He gave his life for me! Doesn't that count as anything?!"  
  
"But you died together, Kagome... and the both of you never intended to die," the angel replied, her tone unreadable.  
  
"Who gives a shit?!" Inuyasha said, his resolve instantaneously dissolving. Kagome closed her eyes, surpressing the impulse to get angry with him for his language, for his disrespect... but his hands clasped around her shoulders and drew her back into his chest, his arms wrapping around her front to grasp either side of her upper arms, earning a choked gasp from Kagome in shock. "I would have risked dying if it would have kept her alive, and you damn well know that!"  
  
Kagome turned wide, disbeleiving eyes up to his infuriated expression, his eyes seemingly glowing with an irripressable fire. He had never said anything like this to anyone else other than herself... She felt a light blush tint her cheeks despite herself. He continued, his grip on her shoulders tightening. "You're telling me that because we were both caught in the line of fire, rather than purposefully standing in it, that it doesn't count as dying for each other? What fucked up justice system..." he mumbled.  
  
Kagome looked up nervously, afraid that Himiko had the last straw. Inuyasha was rude, but that had to have pushed the envelope on her preciously chisled patience. But the arch angel surprised the miko with an almost pitying expression, as if she was guilty for what she had judged... if that was at all possible.  
  
An unrequited silence passed over the room as they stood quietly; Inuyasha pulled Kagome into him with a tighter grip, his expression a harded defiance; he wasn't letting her go anytime soon. Kagome was quiet, merely softening in his hold, allowing him to hold her without protest, averting her eyes from the angel in what could have come close to an ashamed embarrassment.  
  
Kagome indulged within her thoughts through the prolonged pause, Inuyasha and Himiko merely leveling each other with a scrutinizing stare as they battled each other. [i]How could this happened?[/i] Kagome thought to herself, a hand reaching up to lightly touch Inuyasha's arm. After all they'd done? They had risked their lives to save their friends, their love, and to destroy the Shikon no Tama. Had that not been enough? Had Kagome's love for Inuyasha not been enough to cleanse his soul of all hatred and corruption? His claws may be stained, but his heart was as good and pure as it ever had been.  
  
What had gone wrong?  
  
The arch angel was silent as she and Inuyasha exchanged hardened gazes, neither willing to relent to the other. As the miko's hand reached up to brush against Inuyasha's arm, the hanyou looked away without a second thought to glance down at the girl, biting his lip with his fang and bowing his head. He leaned down, resting his head on hers; an almost tired expression adjorning his eyes, while she flicked her gaze back up to him for a quick moment, looking away with the hint of a blush.  
  
Himiko watched the two hold each other in a small embrace, Kagome staring off into a devoid of space with a slightly pained expression, a bit thrown off by the light pink on her cheeks. Sighing to herself, the arch angel spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper. "I suppose that... we may be able to work with the sacrifices you have put forth, as I am unable to ignore them..."  
  
Kagome's lids opened slowly, her eyes staring forward, unblinkingly, in apprehension, Inuyasha lifting his head to gaze at her with an expression that question either the angel's sanity--which she doubted was still fully intact after insanely generous offer she was about to propose--or he was completely confused by what she was insinuating.  
  
"The two of you dying together, though you did not [i]intentionally[/i] die..."  
  
Inuyasha snorted, adding in an, "Of course... how could we forget that?", followed by an annoyed jab in the ribs from Kagome.  
  
"...however, you, though I seriously doubt that you were looking into the future when you set out to get revenge on Naraku, saved the lives of countless others from the future..." She paused; an excruciatingly long pause which was accompanied by Kagome jabbing Inuyasha in the ribs in pretense of another snide comment.  
  
Himiko sighed again, questioning the stretch of her sanity, and said, "This could [i]possibly[/i] allow me to bend a few rules..." The corners of her lips tugged upwards as the two turned their vague expressions to look at her in question. "I suppose that... there is another way."  
  
Kagome gazed at her with a hopeful expression. "You can do that?"  
  
The angel smiled. "Yes, well, I am the nice one..." **  
  
Still residing in his embrace, she turned to look questioningly at the smiling angel as she pulled her glasses back up from their idle position to rest lazily on the brudge of her nose. Himiko waved her hand in a small circle, a small folder appearing in her open hands, and allowed it to float to her desktop. With a quick flick of her wrist, the foler floated open, as if a small breeze had gently nudged its corners to rveal the inner contents.  
  
Himiko gazed at the papers for a short moment, then looked up to rested her gaze on the couple, and responded cordially, "I will give the two of you a second chance. Well..." she looked pointedly in Inuyasha's direction, "...at least one of you, anyway."  
  
Inuyasha replied with a derisive snort, getting a dirty look and another elbowed stomach in return. "Please continue," Kagome said, sending Inuyasha a warning glare, which he ignored with a roll of his eyes, one of his hands dropping to rub his abused abdomal area as soon as she looked away.  
  
Himiko shook her head and sighed, returning to her previously interrupted conversation. "As I was saying, I am willing to give you a second chance. Mind you, if you people mess this up, as it is a very delicate job, you will get no sympathy from me. You'll have to go directly upstairs." she said, pointing above to her ceiling, watching with skillfully hidden satisfaction as their eyes both widened, Inuyasha's much less noticable than Kagome's, which was accompained by a nervous smile.  
  
The miko swallowed but nodded, her expression turning more serious as she watched the archangel with inquiry. "Will this be particularly difficult?"  
  
Himiko smiled and shook her head. "Not in the least, Kagome. This should actually be fairly easy, seeing that you personally know the two people who will be involved in your... hmm... shall we call it a mission?" Himiko was rewarded with curious looks, and archangel continued to answer their silent query, her discourse directed towards Inuyasha. "If this task is completed successfully, than you shall be granted permission to file a 'Heavenly Judgement Appeal'."  
  
Inuyasha's eyebrow cocked in inquisition. "A what?"  
  
"'Heavenly Judgement Appeal'," she repeated. "It means that you can 'appeal' to my judgement, and if it is accepted, then I will 're-judge' you by recent events."  
  
Kagome's mouth made a small "o" in understanding, Inuyasha shrugging in disconcern. "So... what are we supposed to do? It better not be janitorial work or something... or serving someone... if I get Sesshoumaru I swear--"  
  
Himiko sighed despondently. "No... it's not either of those things. Pleaase don't 'swear' in my office." With a small pause, seeming to hold back the irate twitch of the lips which was fighting to surface on her stoic expression, she said, "I've been watching these two for quite a while now, and it seems their roads are about to hit a dead end unless we send someone in. Unfortunately all of my cupids are currently off on missions and I won't have a free one for another decade or so, which presents a problem..."  
  
Kagome blinked, smiling slightly for a moment as Inuyasha cast her a confused look, obviously not familiar with the English word and wondering what on earth could be so funny about saving his soul from a burning fate down below. He could just see it now--little, annoying, green pipsqueaks with pointed little beaks, cackling and poking at him with som goddamn stick... Well, actually, that was pretty funny.  
  
"You..." Kagome managed to whisper through giggles, "...want Inuyasha and I... to..." She trailed off, uncertain how to finish her sentence as she was obviously trying to hold back a a flood of laughter, her previously saddened air evaporating instantaneously.  
  
Himiko's own lips quirked a bit, and she leaned back in her chair, folding her hands neatly in her lap as she sustained her dialogue. "Yes, Kagome. That is exactly what I want you to do."  
  
Kagome blinked again, Inuyasha still confused as to what was so incredibly funny about his dilemma, other than being attacked by minature Jakens in pitchforks, (because then he could steal their sticks and smack them back without having to worry about getting in trouble... it being Hell) as Kagome asked Himiko in a smooth, glassy tone, "Who are they? Our assignments?"  
  
The archangel just smiled at her, reaching up to tuck a lock of stray golden hair behind her ear before turning to look up at them, her tone resolute but lighthearted as her eyes danced with an indecipherable fire.  
  
"Miroku and Sango."  
  
~***~***~  
  
* (page 6) This is actually a quote from a movie called "Time Bandits" by the Monty Python gang when God is talking to his servant people. ^_^  
  
So! How'd you like it? I know... the ending was predictable, (or maybe it wasn't... O_o) but I can see how much fun this is going to be... *cackles* I'm not going to make this a big religious thing because no one knows what religion any of the characters are and I just want to make a humorous story, not a religiously biased editorial. Just letting you all know... so I don't get sued... *backs away from lawyers*  
  
Oh well, better go get some more dynamite, then... See ya soon!  
  
(ah... small note... the name "Himiko" was the name of the only woman empress of Japan... I'm using it because it's really pretty and I'm at a loss for powerful and elegant Japanese names... eh heh... I think it fits, though...) 


End file.
